


Don't Be An Asshole

by whitepansy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cereal, Falling In Love, M/M, i hate this fic so fucking much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 17:00:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3858160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitepansy/pseuds/whitepansy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"'You were trying to reach for a box of cereal and a whole shelf's-worth of cereal boxes fell on you here let me help you'"<br/>OR,<br/>Hinata has struggles and Tsukki takes pity on him. But only a little bit. (Don't worry, Hinata gets his revenge).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. TSUKKI IS AN ASSHOLE ft yamaguch who is also an asshole, and a poor, mortified hinata

**Author's Note:**

> this is my worst fic why are you even readi ng th  
> (theyre all like. 20-ish jsyk)

Shopping. Hinata's worst enemy.

He'd always been an impulsive buyer, but he swore he was trying to fix that.

But being an adult was _hard_ , and he deserved something nice every so often, right?

...That ice cream he bought yesterday didn't count, though. Neither did that dinner that day before... nor last Saturday when he bought rounds for everybody at the local pub....

\--Anyway, that box of his favorite cereal was calling his name. Sure, it _was_ unreasonably expensive, but it'd been _forever_ since he'd had it, and he was suddenly craving it.

It was a spotlight item, so there was a large pyramid of the sugary cereal. The box in front was a little roughed up, though... Shouyou craned his neck to peek behind it. Ah, that one looked fine!

Reaching up, he carefully wriggled the box out from the middle. However, as he did that, he knocked a lower box off balance as well, and the whole thing wobbled.

"Oh god--" Shouyou gasped, letting go of his cart completely to try and balance the display, but it was too late. It was coming down. There was no stopping it.

Shouyou shrieked and shielded his face as he collapsed to the floor under nearly a hundred boxes of cereal.

He could hear multiple other shoppers halt their shopping carts as they looked on at his misfortune.

All was silent until--

"Pfff," someone tried to hide their laughter, but failed. "Ahhahahah ohhmy god haha--"

Another joined in, snickering quietly, and there was a sound as if someone was hitting another. "S-stop, Tsukki; don't be an asshole."

"Look at him, though, he jus- he didn't even run! He's so stu--"

"Tsukki!"

 _This Tsukki character was really damn mean_ , Shouyou thought.

"He's not even getting up or anything, though, oh- oh my god!"

Huffing, Shouyou stirred, shoving boxes off his face. He glared at the source of the two voices: two very tall men about his age, one blond with glasses, the other brunette with freckles, both store employees, both cracking up.

Trying to salvage some of his dignity, Hinata drew a breath, and attempted to get to his feet--

Only to trip on a box of cereal and fall back over on his face.

Which sent the duo into hysterics again.

Gritting his teeth and trying to fight the embarrassed blush that was growing up his neck, Hinata quickly jumped to his feet and faced the two douchebags.

"You wanna fight?? Huh???" He threatened, baring his teeth and shaking a fist.

The blond one only wheezed in response, tears flowing down his face. The freckles one shook his head rapidly.

"No, nono, sorry, m-my friend here just. I'm s-sorry," he replied while trying to hide his laughter. "A-Aren't you, too, Tsukki?"

The blond one lifted his glasses to wipe at his eyes, completely unapologetically saying, "Yes, I'm terribly sorry."

Hinata only continued to glare at them, but put down his fist and went to picking up the boxes.

The laughter died down between the two and Shouyou could hear them muttering to each other.

"...Should go help..."

"You go..."

"...You laughed harder!"

"Shut up, Yama..."

"Sorry, Tsukki... But you did."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

Shouyou rolled his eyes.

"Ok... Fine, I'll help... But... 'cuz he's cute."

Wait what.

Shouyou shot up as the taller of the two made his way over to the mess of cereal boxes and began to pick them up.

"What?" The blond smirked and looked down his nose at Shouyou, as if to mock his height whilst maintaining a 'holier than thou' façade.

Shouyou fought another growing blush and hid his face behind his hair as he knelt down to pick up an armful of cereal boxes.

 _Why am I blushing??_ he thought angrily. Probably because he was angry. And embarrassed. And confused. These guys are complete strangers! How dare they laugh at him so openly! Talk about rude!

Shouyou tried carefully to line up the boxes in a similar fashion to as it was before, but was halted in his thoughts when someone uncomfortably close reached over him to put another box away. He turned around only to be face to face with the glasses guy.

Closer, Hinata saw that his eyes were an odd honey color; it was hypnotizing, drawing him in. He also noticed the guy's hair looked softer than he had first thought; it was unruly, (though he wasn't one to talk), yet its clean cut added to his sharp features, making him all the more...

_Attractive?_

Spluttering, Shouyou knocked down a few boxes again as he tried to move away. "W-why are you so close?!"

"Just doing my job," he replies. That smug look was really getting to Shouyou.

Unable to formulate a comeback, (especially when he was unable to stop picturing that face, running through different expressions; laughing, sneering, grimacing, _moaning_ ), Shouyou hurriedly got to his shopping cart and speed walked away, keeping his head down and fighting another blush.

 

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima watched as he walked away.

Joining him, Yamaguchi nodded. "You were right."

"About what?"

"He is cute."

Scoffing, Tsukishima continued piling the display back up. "Shut up, Yamaguchi."

"Sorry, Tsukki," he automatically replied. "...But he is. And he has a really nice butt."

Rolling his eyes, Tsukishima threw a box of cereal at his friend, then peered down the aisle the customer hurried down. He was turning the corner-- damn. It _was_ nice.

"Go get his number," Yamaguchi said.

"What? No way, that's too forward."

"C'mon, How likely is it that you'll meet him here again? What if he lives out of town? What if he's only here for a day and he's never coming back?"

"Shut up, Yamaguchi," Tsukishima sighed. "I'd rather wait than rush it," he added on, muttering.

Yamaguchi grinned, teasing, "Aww, you're so _romantic_ , Tsukki--"

"Don't make me throw another cereal box at you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ?? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	2. tsukki is cute but hinata is Vengeful (yama is just trying to help)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pt. 2 ft. apologizes, phone numbers, and revenge. >:) (not exactly in that order)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this woulda been out earlier but i forgot to save & i accidentally reloaded the page..... r.i.p.

It'd been nearly a month since the Incident (capitalization completely necessary).

Tsukishima Kei, however, kept it vivid in his mind.

He felt bad about the whole ordeal, really. He _did_ have a reputation for being a bit of an asshole, he admitted, but really, the laughing _and_ the teasing had gone a bit too far. If he had asked for that guy's number after that, too, like Yamaguchi had suggested, Kei was sure the poor man would have combusted or something.

Since then, he'd been secretly hoping for him to walk through the automatic doors just one more time, so he could at least apologize. (And maybe a cheesy romantic scene happened afterward in his daydreams, but he'd never in a million years admit to that.)

"Tsukki," he heard someone hiss.

Snapping out of his thoughts, he looked around to see a pissed off customer and a glaring Yamaguchi.

Then, Yamaguchi turned to the shopper with a sheepish smile and said, "Sorry, ma'am, he's been like this as of late, you'll have to forgive him."

She merely humphed, and Kei quickly continued scanning her items while Yamaguchi bagged.

As soon as she left, Yamaguchi began chiding Tsukishima. "You can't keep spacing out and expect me to cover you every time! What are you thinking about? Is it that guy?"

Tsukishima frowned at him and began walking for the aisle closest to them, but that only fueled the fire.

"I'm your _best friend_ , Tsukki; you'll _have_ to tell me _some time_ about your cru–"

"-SHHH!" Kei quickly clamped his hand over his friend's mouth, looking around wildly for other shop associates, specifically one named Nishinoya Yuu. Lord knows what would happen if _that_ guy overheard.

Yamaguchi, speech prohibited, instead took to folding his arms in front of his chest and giving Tsukki his sassiest look.

The taller of the two surrendered, sighing as he said, "...Okay, fine, just– just not here, alright?"

Yamaguchi looked smug as he went back to work, applying sale stickers to items.

 

Later, at the Tsukishima house, Yamaguchi was still smug.

"I _knew_ it!"

"Stop."

"You are _so_ obsessed!"

" _Stop_."

"Head over heels!"

"Shut _up_ , Yamaguchi–"

"C'moon, Tsukki!" Yamaguchi gave him a grin, reassuring and trusting, but still mischievous.

Kei huffed out a breath, looking away. "It's dumb, I know, but... he won't leave my thoughts. It's so frustrating. It's... I don't even know his name!"

Yamaguchi's look softened at his friend's frustration. "Don't worry, Tsukki, I'm sure we'll see him again soon. He can't have gone too far."

"Don't say it like that, Tadashi. You make him sound like a cat that ran away or something."

"Ahh, sorry, Tsukki," he laughed sheepishly.

 

Sure enough, though, the next day, Tsukishima nearly shouted out when he saw a familiar shock of orange hair. 

"Yama-- _Yama_ , look, look," he hissed, slapping his friend's arm to get his attention. 

"Whaat, what is i-- _holy shit_ \--!" 

"SHH," he hissed again, looking panicked. He ducked under the counter when the man, not even ten feet away, looked his way. "What do I do, I don't know what to do."

Ducking under the counter alongside him, Yamaguchi tried to think of something to help his friend. Just as he opened his mouth--

"...Well, maybe stop hiding behind the customer service desk, for one thing."

Their heads whipped up to see the other man's head looking over the counter with an amused expression.

"This is all you," Yamaguchi said quickly and fled to Yachi, who was stocking cereal in a nearby aisle. Coward.

Slowly, Tsukishima rose to his feet, willing his face to be blank and not blushing as he noticed truly how small that man was, he was so tiny and cute, how was that even possible, how can someone's eyelashes be that long--

"Hhello sir how may I help you," Tsukishima forced himself to say.

"Do I know you?" the other asked suddenly.

"No," Kei responded quickly.

"I think... I swear I've seen you before tho-" A look of recognition and embarrassment crossed his face. "--Oh. Ohhh. The... the cereal?"

"I-- uh. That. Wasn't, um. I," Tsukishima struggled to find an excuse that wasn't lame.

"I-it's fine, really, not one of my prouder moments," the man said sheepishly, giving a small grin. 

"Oh, that's..." Tsukishima tried to form a sentence while trying not to stare at the man's cute face with his barely-there freckles and his little smile and his lips looked so soft... "Th-that's. My fault still. Sorry. I shouldn't have, been so rude?" He shook his head lightly as if to clear his thoughts. Then, with more sincerity, he said, "Yeah, I'm sorry."

"I accept your apology," he replied, laughing a little. "Oh! By the way, I'm Hinata Shouyou!" Hinata stuck out his hand, right in front of Tsukishima. 

"Hinata Shouyou..." Tsukishima mumbled, testing it out. It fit him. It was bright, sunny. Cute. "I'm, uh, Tsukishima. Kei. Tsukishima Kei, it's nice to properly, um, meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine." Hinata suddenly gave a smaller, more private smile, almost.. seductive? Goddamn it, Tsukki felt his breath hitch, shit, he was in so deep.

"But! I'm not just here to say sorry!" The orange haired man went back to his annoyingly sunshine-y self in half a second, shocking Kei with every second he was there. "I have a complaint about an item."

"I. Well, what is it."

He reached into the bag he was carrying and proudly slammed a massive dildo down on the counter. 

"Are you fucking kidding me," Kei hissed.

Hinata adopted a cute pout on his face as he said, "My Massive Wilde Destructo Lover XXX does not work properly, and I felt the need to bring this issue up."

Tsukishima, burning red, slowly laid his head on the surface of the counter. "Why," he muttered.

"Because what if other people's ones don't work?? This is an important topic!"

"Mr. Hinata.. Please." Kei gave the most threatening look he could muster without looking pathetic. (He failed.)

"Let me speak to your manager!" Hinata slammed his fist on the counter.

"Mr. Hinata--"

Shouyou began using the dildo rather his fist to emphasize his words. "Let! Me! Speak! To--"

"Okay!! Okay, sir, please, stop slamming that on the counter, I'll get my manager," Kei said, inwardly ready to start crying.

He went to the back and got his manager, ("There's a customer who has a complaint." "About what?" "...You'll see.") and returned to the counter, where Shouyou looked like he was trying to disassemble the huge vibrator.

His manager nearly escaped, ("Nope." "Sir, please, he wanted to talk with you!"), but they both arrived at the counter, looking uncomfortable and the small man looked up from his inspection.

"Hello, Mr..." Hinata peered at the nametag on the manager's shirt. "Ukai? Cool name!"

"Thanks," he replied dryly.

"Anyway, this vibrator that I purchased from this very store does not work, and I am very upset!" He slammed said vibrator down again for emphasis. The silicon jiggled a bit.

"I... am very sorry." Ukai looked like he was a moment from booking it.

"So, I demand a total recall! Every one could be malfunctioning!"

"--Isn't it battery-powered, though," Tsukishima chimed in.

They both looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"It says it on the box!" He excused. "But.. have you put any batteries it at all? Maybe?"

"I..." Hinata's face heated up a bit. "No, I kinda just went straight to--"

Tsukishima cleared his throat to cut him off. How can someone be so embarrassing? "Well, we solved the problem! Well done, guys. Mr. Ukai, thank you for your patience, Mr. Hinata, buy some batteries and you're good to go. Goodbye." With that, Tsukishima headed straight for the break room. He had two minutes left, anyway.

"Tsukishima-kun," Ukai called out warningly. Shit. "Help this man check out. Then you can take your break."

"Ukai--"

He raised his eyebrows, and that's all it took to send Tsukishima straight to a closed lane. Hinata followed merrily, pausing to pick a pack of double A batteries.

Tsukishima quickly rang the batteries up and was about to finish the purchase when Hinata went, "Hang on!" then hurried away.

"What is he..." Tsukishima muttered to himself.

When he came back with a bottle of personal lubricant, all Tsukki could do was take off his glasses and run a hand down his rapidly reddening face.

"Ok, now I'm good!" He grinned. Then, behind a hand, he added, "I love strawberries."

Tsukishima only avoided eye contact and sighed shakily, cursing his luck. _Why him? Why did this have to happen to him?_ He quickly rang up the pink bottle and finalized the purchase, automatically droning the price and taking Hinata's card.

"Sign this one, take this one," he said as he slid two receipts and a pen toward the other.

Hinata very slowly signed on the line, the scribbled something under it and shoved it toward him.

"Thank you! Bye, Tsu-ki-shi-ma-kun!" He enunciated each syllable and threw a peace sign before running off.

Tsukishima scoffed then looked down at the receipt. His eyes widened as he saw the message 'call me! xoxo ;9' written next to a phone number. _Holy. Shit._

But before he could even freak out about that, Tsukishima realized, "He took the damn pen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do u ever. hate urself so much.
> 
> (im constantly asking myself two questions: will any character i write ever be IN character? but also. do people even care??)


	3. ⭐*~bonus~*⭐ (i couldnt help myself)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> brace yourself for awkward flirting and mathematical pick up lines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is longer than i had first intended oOPS

The moment Tsukishima arrived home, he imputted the number into his phone and sent a message, albeit a bit hesitantly.

**TO: Hinata-san**  
_I hope this is the correct number._

There was an immediate reply.

**FROM: Hinata-san**  
_AAAA IS THIS TSUKKI_

\--

Across the city, in his home, Shouyou was grinning ear to ear as he quickly added the number to his contacts.

**FROM: *~~❤❤TSUKKI-CHAN**~❤⭐❤**  
_Don't call me that. But yes._

Shouyou stuck his tongue out at the screen.

\--

**FROM: Hinata-san**  
_(;-_-)/ but that othr guy calls u thT!!!!! is he ur friend? ? the freckles with the brown hair!_

Kei's mouth twisted in disgust at the haphazardly placed punctuation and overall inappropriate grammar this man possessed.

**TO: Hinata-san**  
_Your texting style annoys me almost as much as the real you does. Yes, he's my friend._

_\--_

Shouyou scoffed at the blunt reply, a bit offended dispite the fact that he knew the man wasn't _really_ serious. (Right?...)

**TO: ***~~❤❤TSUKKI-CHAN**~❤⭐❤****  
_wow is this ur way of flirting bc if it is ur failing_

_\--_

Kei blinked, not expecting that reply. Then again, he couldn't expect anything with this guy.

**TO: Hinata-san**  
_I. No. I'm not flirting. Not right now at least._

**FROM: Hinata-san**  
_then how about we get around to something more like that... ill start: pics? ☆( >ω・)_

Tsukishima's eyes darkened.

**TO: Hinata-san**  
_No._

**FROM: Hinata-san**  
_HARSH!!!!!!_

**FROM: Hinata-san**  
_then again do u even kno how to flirt_

Tsukishima spluttered as he typed out his reply.

**TO: Hinata-san**  
_OF COURSE_

_\--_

Shouyou snickered at his defensivenes.

**TO: *~~❤❤TSUKKI-CHAN**~❤⭐❤**  
_dw i can teach u ;) ;) ;) ❤_

**FROM: *~~❤❤TSUKKI-CHAN**~❤⭐❤**  
_I don't need your assistance in my flirting. I flirt perfectly fine._

**TO: *~~❤❤TSUKKI-CHAN**~❤⭐❤**  
_oh yeah?????????????? prove it (ง •̀_•́)ง_

**FROM: *~~❤❤TSUKKI-CHAN**~❤⭐❤**  
_Okay. You must be the square root of two, because I feel irrational around you._

_\--_

Tsukishima smiled smugly, feeling proud of himself. That was a good one.

**FROM: Hinata-san**  
_what_

**TO: Hinata-san**  
_Well, because in mathematics, an irrational number is any real number that cannot be expressed as a ratio of integers. Irrational numbers cannot be represented as terminating or repeating decimals. This includes numbers that are uncountable, such as pi, or the sqaure root of two._

**FROM: Hinata-san**  
_NO!!!!!!!!!!! YOU LEAVE MATH OUT OF THIS!! THIS IS AN OFFICIAL MATH-FREE ZONE U LOSER!!!_

**FROM: Hinata-san**  
_let me show you how it's done, nerd ( ｀o´)_θ☆( >_<)_

Tsukishima braced himself, preparing for the worst that could happen. (Dick pics, probably).

**FROM: Hinata-san**  
_STEP ONE! CUTE SELFIE!_

_[FILE SENT: ;9.jpeg]_

Tsukishima hesitantly opened the file, which revealed a picture of Hinata, taken from below, light framing his gently smiling face, creating almost a halo around him, a small flower crown of daisies resting on his hair. It... was really cute. Damn.

**FROM: Hinata-san** _  
STEP TWO! A GOOD PICK-UP LINE!: forget about spiderman, superman, and batman. i'll be your man. (･o-)☆_

He couldn't help but snort at that. What a dork.

**FROM: Hinata-san  
** _step three!!!! compliments!!! when we first met, i actually thought you were really hot. thats why i was so flustered lol ＼(-o- ) i still think youre hot ;x_

**FROM:** Hinata-san  
_now ur turn!!_

Kei hesitated, unsure of himself, but then got up to take a selfie.

\--

Shouyou waited impatiently, not sure if Tsukki was going to comply. After a minute, however, his phone alerted him that Tsukki has texted back. He dove for his phone and opened it quickly.

**FROM: *~~❤❤TSUKKI-CHAN**~❤⭐❤**  
_[FILE SENT: img109.jpeg]_

Hinata opened it as quickly as his phone would allow, taking note that the nerd didnt even name the picture, and was taken aback by how  _fricking hot Tsukki was, what the shit._ His face had a hint of uncertainty, but held a deadly gorgeous smoulder, his honey colored eyes staring straight into the camera and his lips in a dignified pout. Hinata decided he could stare at it all day.

**FROM: *~~❤❤TSUKKI-CHAN**~❤⭐❤**  
_And.. A good pick up line, right? Um.. How about: I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand._

Shouyou carefully placed his phone down in front of him, turned to the wall next to his bed, and repeatedly slammed his head against it. _That was so cute it was embarrassing!!_

**FROM: *~~❤❤TSUKKI-CHAN**~❤⭐❤**  
_Hinata-san? Are you still there?_

\--

Kei drummed his fingers against his desk, a bit nervous, staring at the phone he held in his other hand. His heart pumped faster than usual, making him restless. This was ridiculous. He shouldn't feel this nervous. He was only flirting. He's flirted plenty of times. Why was this different?

**FROM: Hinata-san**  
_pls call me shouyou_

Tsukishima blinked. _Oh._ Well.

**TO: Hinata-san**  
_Shouyou. I like your name. "Flying sunshine"; it's fitting, in a way. Angelic._

There was a minute of silence, then:

**FROM: Hinata-san**  
_honestly this strted as a joke but ur so good at this im seriously swooning like ???!! WTF TSUKKI WHERE HAV U BEEN HIDING THIS POTENTIAL (ps this sounds more put together than i actually am)_

Kei couldn't help the smug smirk that appeared on his face, feeling proud of himself.

**TO: Hinata-san**  
_;-)_

**FROM: Hinata-san  
** _... u put noses in ur smiley faces that so cute wtf UGH STOP_

**TO: Hinata-san  
** _Do I pass the test then?_

**FROM: Hinata-san  
** _UM YEAH DUH **❤** **❤** **❤**_

Something in Kei's stomach bubbled up, a smile twitching onto his face and his heart fluttering. It was lame in ten different ways, but he couldn't care less.

**TO: Hinata-san**   
_Call me Kei._

**TO: Hinata-san**   
_:-) ❤_ **  
**

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ?? i hate myself


End file.
